The signs of toxic parenting to watch out for and how to deal with them
No child comes into the world by his own choice. Apart from the will of God, their parents are held accountable for their being present on earth. As they had no free will for coming here and opting for their own parents, so their life would be exactly what their parents have decided for them.
Not only, money is a prerequisite but love, affection, attention, and care are also important for a child’s proper upbringing. All parents try to leave no stone unturned in giving their children a healthy and happy upbringing. Others just mimic the way their parents have raised them like. However, keeping good intentions do not necessarily stops parents from making slip-ups in raising their kids. By knowingly or unwittingly ignoring the harms, parents can be given a toxic upbringing to their kids.
Whether or not you are providing a toxic rearing to your children, we have come up with the signs of a toxic parent to watch out for.
If you need your children to take care of you:
It is nothing less than a toxic parent-child relationship if the parent wants their children to be their parents and to support and fix them. Keep in mind, you are responsible for your kids’ upbringing and not the other way around. It does not refer to providing food to parents when they are sick or helping them if they are physically disabled. It refers to the toddler-like demands to be cheered on, mopped up and cared for constantly.
If your feelings always come before to your Children’s feelings:
Among the signs of a toxic parent is the tendency when you start overlooking your kids’ preferences and aptitudes. This leads to a toxic parent-child relationship where your child is supposed to do what you feel like. Always think impartially while parenting your children. If your child is asking for something which is not likely to provide any harm to anybody then there is no point in not giving. Excessive rejections are likely to damage your child’s emotions, make him aggressive, and also lonely. So, avoid throwing your decisions on your children pointlessly.
If you want them to lie on your behalf:
Asking your children to lie on your behalf is among the signs you are a bad parent. For instance, parents usually ask their kids’ not to tell anybody about their financial problems or things like that. In this way, not only, you are making them fibber but also this secrecy is likely to make them feel lonely. In addition, they may become unable to trust any person and relationship in the future.
If you control them using money or guilt:
You are supporting your children financially and this is what you will be doing until they get mature enough to be thriving on their own. Remember, fiscal support is your obligation; you are not going out of the way if you are meeting their needs and reasonable demands. Among the signs of a toxic parent is when you threat your kids to take away all the financial support if they do not obey your rules.
In addition to that, many parents use ‘guilt’ as a powerful tool to control their children. For example, when a kid makes any mistake, parents use guilt as a control method by saying ‘you just made us so guilty’ or ‘you were never supposed to say or do like this’. You are doing nothing good to them if you refuse to allow them to do something outside the box without going through a severe guilt trip.
If you refuse to let them grow up:
It may sound sweet when parents say, ‘you are still my baby boy/girl’ or ‘you can never grow up’ etc. However, such words are likely to undermine their confidence, capabilities, and sense of responsibility when children grow up. It may stop them from making their decisions on their own.
If you scare the hell out of them:
Among the signs of a toxic parent is when you scare the crap out of your children. We are not saying that you should never rebuke them on their mistakes, however, never cross the boundaries. There should be some limitations such as never scold your child in front of others, never make comparisons among your children, and never criticize them pointlessly.
You are failed as a parent if your child is sitting with his friends and suddenly his phone rings and shows your number and he gets too panicky. It refers to a toxic parent-child relationship.
How to make amends?
If you relate to the signs of a bad parent given above then make hurry to amend them. The wonderful news is that toxic parenting is not actually a death sentence. If you are willing to change for building a healthy and happy relationship with your kids then strictly follow these tips.
- Have enough time to listen to your children’s problems on a daily basis. You can have a daily conversation with them on a dinner table. Ask them ‘how was their day’, ‘what they like to do’, or ‘where they want to go on holidays’, etc. Listen to them, advise them, and seek guidance from them.
- Take care of them nicely. Make time to eat your meals with them.
- Prefer their feelings, emotions, and decisions over yours.
- Never lie to your children and never ask them to lie on your behalf.
- Never threaten them with your money or guilt.
- Never scold them in front of anyone.
- Never do comparisons among your children or with others’ children.
- Help them make decisions, support them in their reasonable endeavors, and love them to the moon and back.
The toxic parent-child relationship is likely to damage the generations as your children might exactly follow the ways they themselves were brought up with. Hence, this toxicity can run in generations to come. However, you can anytime change your parenting pattern for the betterment of your children as you love them the most. Believe it or not, your benevolence will be remembered by the generations to come forth.